bathtime with the lads edition
/brit/
meesa tinks meesa gon takes meesa owns lifesa
why do girls look fitter when they paint their toes white
sharing the showers with the big strong rugby lads was the absolute worst!!
they'll make the prozzies invincible or they insta-kill you as soon as you show any aggression. something shit like that
Ready to hear something fucked up?
Im gay
autistic
I have aids
made mozarella sticks
no sauce
wipe my ass with the sticks for flavor instead
This is my reaIity
i see where you're coming from but i still prefer it to having to play as either a fat middle aged has-been, a balding maniac, or a negro
niko bellic and tommy vercetti were class protags
Alright fine I'll be the one to say it and give him attention but I am sick to fucking death of this arsehole playing about on his vpn pretending to be egyptian and pretending to be a schizo we all get your fucking point well done now fucking stop it already
not gay but big knobs yum
he's a based schizo you wouldn't get it
filter the flag
another day of frantically flicking through slop on the screen so I never have to think about anything
what's the deal with this egyptian lurking around giving incoherent replies? rogue AI or something?
doing this while also thinking about everything
racist prick, if he had a brit flag you wouldn't have noticed him
no mo woks fo meesa meesa so fucking retaded
watching videos of streamers reacting to youtube videos because I have fuck all going on in my life
just a bored autist's gimmick.
What do you want?
Having a chuckle as I remember scots were too afraid to show their st andrews flag on the sharty so they stuck to our union jack (they did vote for it after all)
Egyptian is clearly rorke
Why are you here and in /cum/?
saw more northern irish flags than welsh even though they have a lower population
Yeah.
Haha yeah, hope they all die
almost definitely would've done
and i ain't got nothing against egyptians, big fan of the bronze age me
just found a 7GB webscreener rip of the latest marvelslop film so that's looking like my day sorted
you're doing that thing again where you lot bring up scotland and then pretend that we bring you up all the time
Didn't see it.
Report him for spamming/flooding, jannies will only start banning him once the same user receives multiple reports
yeh those 2 are good examples, this just feels like they've gone for the low effort approach of appealing to everyone
fat arsed latina for the blokes
ripped good looking white man for the fags and women
they should have made him more wacky instead of playing it safe
Thinking of developing a larp, a gimmick. This will be a long term project. Not sure what theme I'll go for even. It has to be controversial and emotive. Maybe I will pretend be be a pedophile haha
why are you surprised by this? These games are very carefully designed to appeal to the widest range of consumers possible, in other words bland and predictable as fuck
Sounds good.
how much cum do you think is in Eltons bath at that moment
I have a banger idea but it needs some work
Might join you on this endeavour
twenty
I see.
demonstrably untrue
not true i posted with it exclusively
do you like fish sticks?
meesa mooie mooie fuckin sadsa
Same vibe.
kek this is meesa
FOY
didnt know where everyone went so i was stuck posting on crystal cafe where we averaged one post every 2-3 hours before getting nuked
Watching
fucking mong
This is mental
how do we feel about matching socks and jumper look?
Yeah?
who the fuck made a /brit/ on crystal cafe lmao
the girlies must have been seething
mental how the whole world (apart from the yanks) have decided it's alright for us all to be anti-semitic
In punched it.
ate two packets of those noodles with the fire breathing chicken on them last night as late night snacking and my tummy is acting very funny now
predict a difficult bathroom experience later
ok day two of eating lambs liver went much better, I actually seasoned them this time and cooked them for less time. Much nicer
the first one was still up from like 2020 but yeh they eventually seethed and wiped us out
This was considered the masculine ideal back then. Now if you're not putting in work at the gym 5 days a week it's over.
Fuck.
catberg loves his cuddle time
actually crystal cafe seems to have been largely abandoned, the thread was left alone for days and the catalogue was full of spam
Cool.
that'll be Anon Babble one day. the ruins of a once great civilisation
I disagree personally
not partial to the gymbro/bodybuilder look
A decision has been made
Anon Babble already feels dead in the water, kept alive by a small but dedicated group of autists that have nowhere else to go. The sharty fiasco only proved that the people that run it don't really give a shit if it lives or dies
Can talk with a ladybird just fine until she shows interest in me which is when I have to leave the room due to anxiety
I will stick here.
His holiness, Pope Ngubus I
rorkeypops is looking forward to the weekend ~~
why does history seem so much more interesting and soulful than modern times
mines become a real needy bastard in his old age
will cry outside my bedroom door and then lie as close to me in bed as possible so i can rub his belly
I saw it.
why are there always protests everywhere these days? is everyone unemployed or something?
grangle grangle
they didnt write the boring globohomo moments
ktim
bangle bangle
take a look at who is doing the protesting then you'll have your answer
rorke straight twerking it to abba
rorkeinator
Lads what hacks/lies can i include in my CV for a better shot? I've not got higher education or much experience at all. Only looking for low level jobs right now anyway
hermione grangler
err
I can.
Report him for spamming/flooding, jannies will only start banning him once the same user receives multiple reports
*rorke enters the pub*
*room goes silent*
*jukebox: EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!*
*gay porn twerks to thunderous applause*
leftypol putting cream in his carbonara
i loveyou
Searching for posts that contain ‘gherkin’ and in ‘be’
697 results found.
protestant digits for the protestant post by the protestant poster
wish i were still in the navy, nothing beats going on shore leave in manila to shag some of the local prossies
nuclear annihilation would free me from having to be responsible for my own life
Searching for posts that contain ‘timmy’ and in ‘be’.
2757 results found.
What the actual fuck
recommend me a game to play while I work from home and don't actually do any work, something turn based preferably
You know.
Searching for posts that contain ‘legislature’ and in ‘-us’ and in ascending order. 1913 results found.
ktim
leftypol crossing the street to avoid a group of urban youths
maybe you should join the navy
best post of all time
balatro
papa's freezeria
Cool.
crystal cafe jannies didn't ban me for some reason despite persistently saying shit like "I'm a man (male)" and "playing with my cock" and "I'm a gay man"
somoene posted an image of a girl I know on christmas day
A supermarket isn't going to check references and will take anyone so just write up an entirely fictitious work history of non-degree jobs with whatever dates you like. 2+ years in each looks better than < 6 months in each (bear in mind these jobs didn't exist so you can put whatever you want).
Searching for posts that contain ‘meesa|mesa mooie’. 3 results found.
how come you bongs never figured out hockey
I will fuck him.
sorry I meant papa's freezeria deluxe
assuming you just want to be able to stop and start the game, rimworld is good for burning hundreds of hours
am now starting to see a lot of women mid to late 30s on dating apps wanting children and wanting to settle down all of a sudden.
the red pill predicted this would happen ten years ago and it’s happening now lads
we did. think we invented or codified the rules
*pokes my head out of your screen and screams and dips my head back in*
Tf?
they don't have enough ice
civilization 5
can't dishonourably discharged for catching veneral diseases from prossies and then passing it along to some of the lads in the cabin during bumming night
they saw your trans girlie soul
the evil twisted psychopath rorke in question:
would working on tankers be the same?
biological clock has been common knowledge for ages
What is this?
what if i never weant to sleepso againso
this is soooo me
The trans movement officially turned gay rights into a flaming dumpster fire of glitter and regret.
Decades of blood, sweat, and tears from gay icons fighting for the right to love who they want, and these clowns waltz in with their pronoun encyclopedias and ‘biology is a suggestion’ bullshit, torching it all to the ground.
They dragged everyone from Stonewall to “shut up or I’ll cancel you”!! real classy upgrade.
Now the general public sees gays as one big rainbow cult of screeching tyrants, thanks to the trans movement’s nonstop bullying and ‘my feelings trump reality’ ideology.
Gay people just wanted brunch and boyfriends; these idiots gave them pitchforks and pitchier fits.
Every eye roll at their nonsense is a middle finger to the gay legacy. Hope the gender studies degree was worth it, those self-righteous, glitter-dusted wrecking balls.
um….hi
I will go to French.
take a week off rorke
for the last several decades women have been encouraged to go to school and try to start a career in their 20s instead of marrying and having children
they're told to wait until their 30s
that's why
got any embarrassing stories about how you lost your ‘ginity?
Going forward it will either be one of those women for me or a life of loneliness + suicide in my 40s. I'm still undecided which way I'll go.
nope x
I was thinking of this but worried ill spaghetti all over the place. Plus they would be able to tell I lied once they see me in action
erectile dysfunction literally doesnt exist its a cope conspiracy invented by housewives who got fat and ugly whose husbands cant get it up for them anymore
giant somali cheb
Perfect.
i am contributing to the downfall of britain by posting here
yeah, never seen it happen in real time, though.
and not one of them take accountability for their choices in their 20s either
also most men don't make enough money to support a family anymore so women have to go to school and start a career because how likely is it they'll find a man who can enable them to be a mother?
and then no one can look after the babies/children properly
it's a mess
ever fire your kangaroo stick up a ladyboy?
such tragic cope
gays loved the sexually perverted freaks and invited them in
they invented and normalised cross dressing with drag queens
even now they are the most liberal demographic and the overwhelming majority still support trannies
nobody believes that youre actually based now or secretly always were
face the wall please
james gandolfini got a lot fatter between seasons 5 and 6 of the sopranos didn't he
yeh, brain was already fried from porn so i skull fucked her and made her vomit. nearly caught a charge but my brothers went round and sorted it out for me
face the wall please
gona bum him are you?
im never jacking off again
im done
Nah.
calm down diegz
no, never got to try that, hence my lamentations of no longer being in the service, it's my personal white whale
never seen the sopranos but it sounds realistic because i bet he was stress-eating pasta MAMMA MIA EHHH x
um....hii
SEA puss extra tangy
It gotta end.
brit is a twink free zone
um posters will be escorted out
...bruh
let the poopie hit the bog let the poopie hit the bog let the poopie hit the..... BOOOOOOGGGGG
=)
Bruh
gabagool wanker loves his fucking gabagool
ffs that was meant for the guy asking about stories about losing your virginity
shoved my thumb up my arse and it started dissolving
ava that is not normal
anyone slam their laptop closed and call themselves a nigger repeatedly after a teams call for being such an autistic little incel freak
*walks towards the camera*
enjoy when brit posters are pretending to be gay little zesters. better than everyone pretending to be turbo normie hard men
How big is my dick?
replacing the heels of my feet with rotating metal ball bearings so i can roll around
If you're serious about it you'll need to write up and memorise fictional scenarios that happened at these fictional jobs, specifically because interviewers will ask you situational questions during interviews (even for shite jobs like supermarkets).
Stuff like:
tell me about a time you had to deal with a difficult customer
tell me about a time you had to work as a team to acheive a goal
tell me about a time you had to work to a deadline
Doesn't need to be War & Peace though. You can steal people's examples from the internet if you want but you will need to really memorise them so you can reel them off when required.
Worth bearing in mind that the interviews for shite jobs are themselves a tick-box exercise more than anything else. The interviewer just wants to see that you have an IQ over 85 and that you're likely to show up on your first day. They're required to ask you these questions but aren't really interested in your answers so much as your ability to provide any answer whatsoever so they can tick that box.
um im not pretending
pretending? :S
scem
scraping up dads dried winnits out the bath and putting them in my vape juice
asdawhrtufawhtg
haha n-no worries mate I didn't need that (You) anyway
can't tell if alcohol makes me racist or just digs up the racism from the festering depths of my subconscious
in vino veritas as they say, but i don't go about my daily life sneering at non-whites, the thought never even occurs to me when i'm sober
it's always the autistically frigid yanks that incapable of picking up on zest bants and have to ruin the vibe
Norway
Arsenal embarrassed our country last night lads
love making random bizarre chicken sounds and other animal noises
being not racist is learned behaviour
trannies are not allowed there either THOUGH
Haha you sound like a right laugh
gay arse rapist
feel this except it’s getting a bit fruity when drunk and installing grindr or posting my wilkins or arse on Anon Babble
:O
i will say, that those 2 options you spoke about might not be the only ones. you might meet a foreign bird or something
for me it's getting home from work and saying "I'm completely mentally insane and I should be killed" several times aloud while pacing about my kitchen
This won’t help you. You’re just torturing yourself. You can’t help who you are
:O
Britain and the US have reached a trade agreement now have they?
I’m sure are Rachel Reeves and her party represented Britain in these negotiations to the best of their abilities, to the highest degree of incompetence, cowardice, and mealy mouthedness in that deferential, self deprecating quivering middle class worm accent seen in most British media these days.
After all, Britain had already negotiated such a great trade with India, where the U.K. will mass import even more Indians and give tax incentives to companies to hire Indians over British citizens, whilst exempting Indians from taxes and national insurance, which no doubt the UKs citizens will pick up the slack for them. Meanwhile Britain has gained *checks notes* favourable tariff rates for whiskey and lamb exports!
Surely Britain will get an equally amazing deal with America. Maybe they might have traded away Britains food safety standards by opening the country to chlorinated chicken, and removed safety standards for American garbage cars to fill Britains roads. No doubt this mix will be wonderful once all these imported Indians get behind true wheels of Americans imported SUVs!
im NOT bi okay?!?!?! *covers my face and peeks through my fingers to look at you whilst blushing*
rorke claiming hes gay in the ancient greek way and that hes still an alpha
ITS THE YAAAAAANKS
yo What’s happening
Old
can't make head nor tail of /brit/
NOOOOO WHY AREN'T AMERICANS RAGIN FAGOOTS LIKE US YUROPEANS
always interesting to try and guess what the prompt was when you see posts like this
obviously they've got the "no em dashes" condition in there but what specific voice did they ask for
*burp*
life o' riley
Like this.
the trade deal in question: usa gets access to all of the uks minerals and in return they send you 15000 black baboon niggers per second
sudfuyglil
Ok.
rorke just now (0.0002 seconds ago): "bruh"
Ok
trade deal with Indonesia where they send us all a 10 year old girl
Me as a dumb kid
God is great, look at all the beautiful things in the world
Me as an "enlightened" teen
Heh, god isn't real, we're all made up of le epic space dust, when we die there is nothing! I frickin LOVE schizo philosophers and nihilism!!!
Me now, an extremely high IQ individual
God is great, look at all the beautiful things in the world
Really do be like that
Yeah weird.
ᵘᵐ
replacing my arsecheeks with rubber bouncy balls so i can do a ground-pound and fly into the air
aduwtyfwq397tyfghweuasdjk
rorke's da outside argos: bruh
Eh
REMINDER
/brit/ will observe the two-minute national silence at today at 12:00 (noon) to mark the 80th anniversary of VE Day (Victory in Europe Day).
time to have drugs again
I thought this up entirely by myself during my 2 hour drive into work this morning after downing 300mg of caffeine in my fat burning preworkout that tells me to take in the mornings non training days, whilst being short on sleep because usually I get up 2 hours later on my 4 WFH days the other days of the week. I also forgot to take my citalopram on the way out this morning, once again due to the confusion of getting up earlier.
I did hear Paul Joseph Watsons voice in my head a bit when the words came though though
Screaming at the thought of Stephen Hawking burning endlessly in the deepest pits of hell while still being confined to his spastic wheelchair and his robot voice frantically saying "I'm sorry"
a rather good post unfortunately soured a smidge by your forced use of "arse"
be yourself bro x
Imagine.
míuuu
Pokemon Heart Gould
lmao
Would he still be in the wheelchair if he went to Heaven?
scmij8scjsd
mOOOooo~~
shut yo fat ahh up
He would if I were there
Spark him right out
i dont think hes really saying that
sorry for using british english, in the british general
LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES
/brit/ will observe the two-minute national silence at today at 12:00 (noon) to mark the 80th anniversary of VE Day (Victory in Europe Day).
apology accepted
least you know now
more like the VEnereal disease day scraming
More.
Someone actually recognized this shirt
nigga heil hitler
you only betray yourself by intentionally changing the way you speak to appeal to foreigners online
you'd cringe your nut off (rightfully so) if i said "mom" or "sidewalk" or something
Shush
why are you lads always screaming you ok?
have nae pooed yet
no i wouldn't mate...
was a brilliant nonce hunting video from a few years ago they pause the nonce talking for two minutes to observe the silence then get back to bantering him as soon as it’s over
remember i had a pal who got done for noncing. he was on the end of one of those set up sting operations by some facebook group. he ended up breaking the guys jaw and forcing him to destroy all his equipment
Yeah.
screaming at UFO battle in night sky overhead
We at /brit/ say thank you to our glorious dead, and those that yet live, who gave us freedom
i dont remember that at all
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Need a dispenser here
went to school with a lad who got caught with loads of animal porn on his hard drives
nigga
Where?
Heil Hitler
brits be like ahh yes perfect day for a swim!
They died for fuck all
Trump has just said today should be "a very big and exciting day for the United States of America and the United Kingdom," in a post on Truth Social.
What's this fascist dictator talking about then lads?
Nigga
weird mate. don’t understand it at all
<3
might make a tuna sarnie
might make a poona sarnie
Big trade deal
Basi ally America is going to send us all of its spics and they won't have to pay national insurance
religion should be an individual thing not collective because, inevitably, one person or a group of people will take power over others and I don’t think God would like that, if he sees us all as equals
anyway let’s hope king charles is next, eh?
been having a nosebleed for half an hour
actually going lightheaded now
Spics are preferable to Jeets
go to the hospital if it does not stop
Hmm.
He doesn't see us as equals in the sense that we should lack a hierarchy though does he
Don't think any major religion believes that
Will we still be doing this shite in the year 10,025 AD in the Blargon colony in the Andromeda galaxy outpost? When do you draw the line?
it migth stop
i would recommend going to the hospital now
holy reddit
Good news: we're get to have both!
I don’t know you tell me, o wise biblical fucking scholar
in all seriousness I don’t know - but how does it make the pope any better than the average Christian/catholic? Did god himself pick the pope?
but how does it make the pope any better than the average Christian/catholic?
Well they think he's a very holy man who is best placed to lead the church due to his commitment and works
Did god himself pick the pope?
That's what they believe
i been doing this shit bro
they believe the pope is infallible and can’t be wrong about biblical stuff, all because some people voted for him in a room. bizarre people
don’t care
none of that will happen
but your full cooperation to any american military engagement will be expected
You sound like a fucking twat
That's fine with me, time to get with the programme
how did arsenal get on
don't remember anybody voting to hear your boring midwit takes
God I'm so glad I never had a grandad who was tricked into fighting in WW2.
put that cunt in a casket
so what's your situation
So punch your fist into the air and raise a rebel yell
Seems unlikely given that you're Greek
just waiting for the new, you?
Bleed for this.
youtube.com
why this rorke tho am dead xd
hurry up and get it made, i've got a burning question about chinese people and i need as much exposure as possible
currently ironing some shirts
What?
An Irish neo-nazi? Interesting
that's women's work ent it?
please be quiet
No.
Ok.
If you don't celebrate bombing innocent women and children you're a neo-nazi
Piss off mate