David, wake up David! Wake the fuck up DAVID!!!

I just remembered jews see Satan as a tool of YHWH to test his chosen tribes. That verse in the book of Kings makes no fucking sense in Christianity, which just shows Christianity is a bastardized religion based on vague prophecies found in the OT.

In the Jewish POV, God never loved Jews, its a contract. The Old Testment makes more sense when you read it that way. Jews dont think God loves people or stuff like that, thats a Christian thing

Dad: hey kid go do this
kid: but if you love me so much why you not do it yourself
Dad: I would guide you, but i need you to know if you have what it takes to be good in this thing

I am omniscient but I need to know if you're good enough first

The problem of Christianity is that they needed a founding myth and Judaism was there for that, however the personalities of the God in Christianity and the God in Judaism just dont match. The tale of Noah makes perfect sense in Judaism, but not in Christianity, so Christians have to make mental gymnastics. Christians had to make Jesus be loving and peaceful to be a more charismatic figure to non-Jews instead of trying to match his personality to the Jewish God. This could work if they kept Jesus and the Father God as completely separated deities but they didnt so its a mess

but contracts are usually considerd null if either of the two parties violate any of the agreements, but in the bible the jews violated most of the agreements( and god also violated some) but they still stay together

I think Christianity would be a better religion if they just threw off the Old Testment and created their own funding myths, fixing the figure of Jesus the man god to another creator God. Usually this comes as an antisemitic opinion but i dont dislike Jews. I just think Christianity is a complete mess, nonsensical religion and the fact it is the Worlds biggest religion show the World is a joke

The contract is with Abraham, Noah and Moses, not the Jews in general

We have free will, and is good. When we are with God we are kinda outside of time, because He is in us, and we become like Him. So yeah he can intervene whenever he likes on your soul, to move you to a different path. Natural theology if I'm not mistaken calls this first engine and selfactualization.

census related topics come up several times in the jewish bible (which is the old testament). it seems that at the time they believed only god could order a census. also originally the satan ("haSatan") is an angel that tests the jews so I guess this was a test

Classical theology i mean*

Even the figure of Jesus was modified over time. Originally he didnt preach hellfire for non-christians. Its something it had to be introduced because Pagans didnt see why they had to follow his commandments if he would do nothing against them but die in a cross. Originally, Jesus only preached afterlife suffering for his pharisee rivals, not pagan gentiles. Then christians stretched it

so god had to keep the promise to those three and thus couldn't leave the jews even if they violated the commandments ? like if i given my dog to a person he needs to take care of it even if it pissed in his home to keep his promise to me

I mean Judaism is an ethnic religion, Jews are the main guys of it ultimately, they cant just be let away, thats like Luffy dying in Marineford instead of Ace. So yeah, God have to keep the promise to Abraham forever regardless of what Jews do

Its even weird to say these things about Christianity, because normies think id be hating on Jesus. No, i think the history of the crucifixion is pretty kino, i wouldnt mind worshipping Jesus. But Christianity, being a bastard of an abrahamic religion and paganism is so idiotic. Reading the Bible you can see how incoherent it is.
Id rather be just a Jew or a Muslim as those are the Abrahamic religions that make sense, or just a Pagan as it may have sense. Christianity is idiotic.

This is gigantic bad interpretation of Church Fathers, if you know the law you are abid to them, jews know the law of the Lord and didn't accept him, so they go to hell, the same with pagans they didn't know the law so they can't be judged by the same standart, so if they were naturally good they would end up in limbo, but by the 500 most roman pagans had a clear View of what Christianity is.

There is no other God than the singular God/Yahweh/Allah in Abrahamic religions, so inventing some other God would imply ploytheism. They could obviously just say that THE God is a false God, and there is another true God, like in Gnostic beliefs, but then you have to wonder what would be the point in it being Abrahamic at all.
Christianity was doomed because it was Abrahamic, it can never escape the mental illness prevalent in Judaism and Islam because they're all cut from the same cloth.

The tribe of Levi wrote the Bible so whatever the purpose of the census was it presumably was against their interests somehow.

The bible frequently mentions other lesser gods with lesser powers and at no point implies they are literally fake, this idea of one singular monotheistic force of nature is a new age view that isn't present in the bible.

it can never escape the mental illness prevalent in Judaism and Islam because they're all cut from the same cloth.

I think they are better religions than Christianity because they make more sense, tho being Christian may be better because less fixation on the Abrahamic rules.
Thats just because Jews were initially polytheist then became monotheist.

Like, yeah being a Muslim is less pointless than being a Christian, because theres a small but slightly chance Islam is true, there is no way Christianity is true. But since i dont give either big probabilites of being true, being a Christian is probably more funny because you get a full cock, eat pork and may live in a secularized society.
I dont know if what im saying is easy to get but thats how i see it.

Christ is Lord. Amen.

how does islam make more sense than Christianity

This

In Exodus, God tells Moses that every time a census is taken that they should also collect a special tax from the public and use it to fund the temple. The scholarly opinions are:
1. David didn't order this tax collected and the temple priests were mad about it
2. David did order this tax collected but kept it for himself, also angering the temple priests
3. The country wasn't in a state to pay this tax and so he shouldn't have ordered a census

Is there a good book on where YHWH came from? I assume jews used to be pagan, like everyone else, but one cult for one of their gods won over time. Is there a book that covers the history of all that?

google YAHWEH and the gods of Canaan and find the book on libgen or zlibrary

Why does he refuse to give us powers greater than himself? Does he fear us?

Enter CHADMOSH the DESTROYER of YHWH

But didn’t god literally create every single one? And he doesn’t know how many he created, but expects some dude in the desert to go manually keep track of it for him?

Is that old testament, new testament or both?
The reason why the Muslim world is backwards and Israel is insane is because they adhere too strictly to Abrahamic rules and doctrine, which itself is 2000 years out of date and originates from the harsh, unforgiving land of the Arabian desert like the first first Jews who wandered to the Levant from it.
The reason why Roman, and then later European civilisation made so much progress and effectively left the rest of the world behind was because they were not limited by such rules. The Catholic church, even at its most powerful, was still in a tug-of-war for power with the various kings of Europe, and the merchantile class that rose to prominence had far greater influence on the development of European culture than the word of God did. Even when scientists like Newton and Darwin would claim to be adhering to the Christian faith, they would be helping to disprove the creationist narrative and other stories integral to Christianity. A long time ago, after the Islamic Golden Age had ended, the Muslim world decided to plunge themselves into religious texts to better understand the world, whilst Europeans decided to understand the world God made by pursuing the sciences, even if it contradicted what was written in the bible.
I think the key difference between the West and the other Abrahamic cultures, is that for Jews and Muslims, the Torah/Talmud and Quran informs their cultures respectively, whilst for Western Europe, their true roots lay in pagan Greco-Roman philospohy and culture, NOT Abrahamic doctrine.
You say Islam and Judaism makes more sense, I would say so to, but it is to their own detriment that Jews and Muslims have adhered to their religious doctrines so strictly.
Christianity seems so much more contradictory because it was always a compromise between Abrahamic and Greco-Roman philosophy and religion.
That's my thoughts on it anyway.

We have the ability to create worlds of our own, in our minds. Before God made the world, he surely envisioned it first. We just lack the tools yet to make our imagined worlds a reality. Or perhaps we already have done, every time we envision it, and likewise our reality is but God's dream?

We have free will

As long as God knows everything about our fate we don't have free will, it's all predetermined in his mind.

Christianity has too be a mess and nonsense because life, death, and creation is a mess.

Scandinavians whenever Christianity is brought up

It seems jews can't count their own since ancient times, that's why 6 million died.

Abraham

I want you to kill your son

just kidding

Abraham

I want you to impregnate this other woman and then leave them be

Moses

I want you to build a massive ship and put 2 animals of the same species

Yes even shitty ones like venomous snakes, spiders, rats, large carnivores, etc.

Sorry Mr. erm... Yahweh? but archaeologists told me David never existed.

that for Jews and Muslims, the Torah/Talmud and Quran informs their cultures respectively, whilst for Western Europe, their true roots lay in pagan Greco-Roman philospohy and culture, NOT Abrahamic doctrine.

True for Arabia, they had paganism before but they were basically cavemen who did nothing, so its not important. But that wouldnt explain countries like Egypt, Iran, etc.

>David, wake up David! Wake the fuck up DAVID!!!

kek

the same with pagans they didn't know the law so they can't be judged by the same standart, so if they were naturally good they would end up in limbo, but by the 500 most roman pagans had a clear View of what Christianity is

You're conflating the Bible with the Divine Comedy.

The stigma around fedoras is dying.

>I want you to build a massive ship and put 2 animals of the same species

>Yes even shitty ones like venomous snakes, spiders, rats, large carnivores, etc.

WTF NOAH THESE BEETLES ARE BOTH FEMALES OF THE SAME SPECIES

Haven't I told you again and again, that beetle cock is located here, you need to check for it carefully, we need one male and one female of every beetle species

And Noah, fuck up one more time and you are off the incest boat permanently, NOW FUCKING GET TO IT AND FIND THE MALE BEETLE, REMEMBER THE BEETLE COCK!

Jesus fucking Christ you can't find good help anymore these days, maybe I should just flood the entire planet oh wait....

Hey flipbro, since you guys are catholic, do you also depict Jesus this way? Curious

The concept of Limbo already existed before Dante's book.

We become like him, outside of time

Anon...

Egypt

The original Coptic Egyptians are now a minority in their own homeland. Modern Egyptians are Arabs, and the Arab world was made by the Islamic Caliphate, so no surprises they aren't any different from their neighbours in Arabia.

Iran

Has been through so much shit over the course of their history that I am not surprised that they have lost touch with their Zoroastrian roots. You raise a good point though.

I wonder what the cultures of minorities like the Berber peoples of the Maghreb are like, do they carry over any pre-islamic beliefs and practices? I don't know enough about that.
Central Asian and Southeast Asian Muslim countries are definitely outliers, and seem partially influenced (or even more so) by other cultural spheres, for example Indic cultural influences on Southeast Asia.

The concept of Limbo already existed before Dante's book

Not as you describe it.

Insects didn't exist before the flood lad

it's time for me to create Jesus, my ultimate son, he will guide humanity and free all the souls from sin

should I find a good wife and start a wholesome nuclear family to give the good example to my disciples?

nah I'd rather impregnate some cuck's 13 year old virgin wife and pop out of her pussy as a baby!

goo goo gaga bitch, I want milk!

...What do you mean my divine plan is just a series of perverted fetishes? DIDN'T I TELL YOU I WORK IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS?

She always reminds me of Casey Anthony.

NOAAAAAAAAAH SAVE THE ANIMALS

NOOOOOOOO NOAH NOT THE DINORINOS, FUCK THEM

Almost a gem...

If I send your husband to the frontlines and hold my army back I win bigly

Also my son will fuck my other wives in front of me

Exodus 10:14

Do americans actually believe that every bible was wrong including the 1611 KJV that mirrored the Catholic bible which included the Apocrypha, until around the 1800's when they took a bunch of books (that jesus himself quotes in other books) away from it to save on printing costs?

dinosaurs aren't real, god scattered their bones around to trick nosy people into questioning him so that he could send them to hell and have a good laugh about it

newadvent.org/cathen/09256a.htm

Mate it was common sense more than anything.

The history of Moses happens after the flood.

Dinos existed and we lived along them, they got hunt down to extiction by great hunters like Nimrod.

Does anyone have the one where God is creating beetles and getting pissed off because an angel keeps pestering him about children with cancer?

I'm gonna make a beetle that uses its fecal matter to make a shield

I'm gonna make a beetle that can use its hydrophobic surface to collect water from dew

I'm gonna make a beetle that looks like a giraffe

I'm gonna make a beetle that uses light scattering to change its colours

Stop fucking bothering me about children with cancer, i don't care, i work in mysterious ways

Anyway, i'm also gonna make a beetle that looks like a wasp, but is actually a beetle

I'm gonna make a massive beetle with fuckhuge horns like a rhinoceros, amazing

Truly, it is in beetles that i most appreciate all my creation

STOP WHINING ABOUT CHILDREN WITH CANCER, TRUST THE PLAN

why

Humans were barred from the Garden of Eden because they only needed the fruit of immortality to be like [Them]

Kek why does he love beetles so much

Probably because she looks like Casey Anthony.

They're cool.

why are you annoying me because of some children? I should teach you not to use my name in va-

what?

they called you BALD?!

THIS WILL NOT STAND!

GABRIEL! SEND THE BEARS AFTER THOSE BRATTY KIDS!

FEMALE BEARS MIND YOU!

doesn't tolerate haircism

creates baldness

truly works in mysterious ways

I need to write down a sin so bad it's unpardonable in my book, but what should it be?

pedophilia?

nah, the priests would take that out anyway

oh, I know! Of course saying mean things about my bird spirit thingy is the ultimate sin

These we're teenagers mind you, between 12 and 16. Also from the worst slums of Bethel of the time, and the bears we're probably already stalking them before the prophet came there, so yeah the moment the prophet cursed them whatever was protecting the kids from being ravaged vanished.
It's a way to humble some people, like instead on relying in something protecting your head from nature, you should rely on the Lord.

god makes you bald

rely on god to protect you from outdoor elements

skin cancer lmaooo

die and go to hell because you once ate a cup of shrimp noodles

Is also a curse from your ancestors too. And i dont think all whites get cancer by sun exposure or all cancer patients go to hell.

Marcion came up with his own collection of scriptures which did not include the OT as he thought that the god of the OT was not the God of Jesus. He was declared a heretic though and marcionism was eventually suppressed.

I accidentally read that as fruit of immorality